(Or How a Martial Arts Community can build your child’s self-esteem the right way)
Who are we?
My name is Somnath Sikdar and along with my good friends, Chris Taylor and Lonnie Beck, I run the Dragon Gym located in Exton, Pennsylvania. The three of us grew up together and spent most of our lives training in the martial arts.
You see, we are products of a strong martial arts community and looking back on what that community has done for us, we’ve made our mission to give back and continue spreading the benefits of martial arts education.
I started learning the martial arts from Grand Master Chae Goh when I was six years old. I had just seen “The Karate Kid” and just wanted to try it out. Little did I know (or did my parents know) that this training would shape the rest of my life.
I was fortunate to grow up in a safe suburban neighborhood with good schools. But, let’s face it, the chester county suburbia was pretty homogenous in the early 80s. I was a small kid, shy kid and the only “brown kid” in school. It was always my tendency to be quiet and keep to myself.
Did I have low self-esteem? I don’t know, but without martial arts training I could very easily see that being the case.
Over the years, I dedicated myself to the training. I earned my first junior black belt when I was 9 ½ years old and my second when I was 11 ½. At that time, children’s martial arts programs had not been thoroughly developed and the rule at Dragon Gym was that all 2nd Degree Junior Black Belts had to train in the adult black belt class. Most of the other junior black belts were teens, but I wasn’t even 12!
I was still a pretty small kid and had a lot of fear and anxiety about moving into the adult program. But, the great thing about martial arts and your instructors was trust. I put my trust in Grandmaster Goh, and others, I worked hard and everything worked out for the best.
In elementary school I was not only shy, but pretty small, weak and un-athletic. By the time I was in middle school I was on the soccer team and track team. I medaled at the Valley Forge relays in 8th grade.
Through high school I continued with the training and I began my instructional career. That was over 20 years ago. I’ve been fortunate to instruct children, teens collegians, and adults at every single level: from brand new white belts to 4th degree black belts who have also been training for decades.
We’ve been lucky to see, first – hand, the growth and change that students make through their martial arts journey. They develop confidence, esteem and most importantly a sense of mastery.
Please read on to see how martial arts can benefit your child.
Why is low self-esteem a problem?
First, let’s go through some signs that a child may have low self-esteem. It’s important to observe your child in a variety of situations and see if he or she exhibits any of these behaviors. In some scenarios a child might be totally fine but in others not so much. A child cannot compartmentalize so easily and low self-esteem in one area could bleed into other areas as well.
Here are some things to watch out for:
- Does your child quit or give up at the first sign of adversity? Does he avoid challenges altogether. This could be a sign of helplessness or a fear of failure
- Does your child show a loss of interest in school, hanging out with friends or whatever else used to be normal activities?
- Does your child make negative outbursts about themselves or others?
- “The teacher is dumb”
- “I never do anything right”
- “I’m dumb/ugly”
- “It’s my fault”
- “I don’t like that anyway”
- ‘Everyone is smarter / better than me”
- Negative peer pressure seems to be taking hold. Is your child now doing things that he or she knows is wrong and avoided in the past?
So, these are some of the signs, but what are some of the long term affects?
In the long term, low self-esteem can lead to mental health issues and problems like phobias, social anxiety, eating disorders and even depression.
While that is a bit dire to consider for a child it’s something we must. Low self-esteem can lead to an un-healthy cycle of behavior. These behaviors might include an unwillingness to try new things, and inability to complete tasks, avoiding relationships (or developing bad ones), and drug use.
Any, or all, of these things could be deleterious to a child’s development and success later in life. They will impact a child’s performance in school, sports and other extra-curricular activities and consequently affect the outcomes of college, career and eventually starting a family.
Luckily, children (and we can help them) can improve and build up their self-esteem.
Martial Arts training is a great way to do that.
Please read on…
How can a martial arts community build up a child’s self-esteem?
As you know, I grew up in the martial arts and I’ve dedicated my life to spreading its benefits.
“Martial Arts training is a lot more than kicking and punching. “
With the increasing popularity of martial arts programs for children that statement has become increasingly popular and maybe even a little cliché.
Does it still hold meaning?
In many cases, sadly, it doesn’t. Over the last few decades, what I’ve seen is not an evolution but a dilution of martial arts programs. Rightly, many instructors realize that children, teens and adults cannot, and should not, be taught martial arts the same way.
These age groups have different learning styles and different needs. But, merely teaching younger ages groups “less” and playing some games is not providing a martial arts education that truly caters to these differences.
A genuine children’s martial arts program will address the different social, intellectual, emotional AND physical stages of development.
More on that later…
Back to self – esteem.
Now that the self-esteem generation / millennials are entering the workforce, many employers are lamenting the approach that was taken with these young men and women. We saw that people with higher levels of confidence and self-esteem have higher levels of performance and better life long outcomes, so we thought that if we boost everyone’s self esteem everyone would do better. All boats would rise. While it is true that higher levels of confidence and esteem do lead to better outcomes, those levels need to be earned.
Praise and encouragement are not enough. While these things seem to build self-esteem, they do not. Rather they build a sense of entitlement.
The current generation entering the workforce are often not team players nor are they good collaborators, rather they need constant encouragement, feedback, and are still not receptive to criticism and making changes for improvement. Fewer young people are starting new businesses.
Without the ability to persevere through adversity and adapt for new challenges, outcomes will not be better—for the individual or for the community.
The key to building confidence is repetition (of the right things) and the key to building confidence is actual attainment. And, we must provide encouragement towards this attainment as well as praise once it is achieved.
The beauty of martial arts training for children is that it has a framework of success and goal setting built in. You have likely heard of the martial arts “black belt”. In our system the junior black belt is the first major milestone in a young students martial arts journey.
However, the black belt may be a few years away and it is often difficult for a kid to understand its scope. As such there are several color belts between the white belt (the beginner’s belt) and black belt.
In this way, the accomplishment of black belt has been broken down into smaller more attainable steps (each only a few months apart). In our system, we actually break things down even further. Every week the student has a skill to learn, develop and perform. Once they accomplish this even more tangible task, they earn a stripe on the color belts.
Now, you can see how things build up through a series of attainments. Several stripes and the student earns the next color belt. Then, after earning several color belts the student will earn their junior black belt.
The first step in developing self-esteem is focusing on accomplishment.
While we don’t expect perfection, all of these intermediate steps are not given away. They are duly earned by the student with clear expectation and a pathway to get there. The students, themselves, feel a sense of pride from the work they put in.
The second step is recognizing that mistakes are OK and are learning opportunities.
Every student may not necessarily earn a stripe every week, and that’s OK. And, the students know that that is ok. The student will have another chance to earn the stripe for that particular skill in a few weeks. Practically, the student then learns that mistakes are not the end of the world, he or she can move on, make improvements and move forward. The “mistake” doesn’t inhibit their self-worth but rather builds their confidence even more.
These two things lead into step three: setting goals.
Martial arts training already has a goal built in: the black belt. However, setting goals for a child is more than just showing them point B. They need to know what to work on and how to get there. All of these incremental steps, along with good coaching, give them the tools to attain the black belt and keep going
Step four is trying new things.
The next nice feature of martial arts training is that it is very progressive. Every skills that is learned and developed leads to both new skills and more advanced skills. This boils down to a child’s comfort zone. If a child’s comfort zone is very small, they know it (maybe only subconsciously) and it becomes easier to retreat deeper into it. However, by slowly (not drastically) enabling a child to expand his or her comfort zone in a way that allows them to be successful they will continue with the confidence to try new things and broaden their capabilities throughout life.
Step five is exercise.
Martial arts is a physical endeavor too. It involves kicking, punching, rolling, jumping and more. The kids develop strength, flexibility, coordination and athleticism. Children that are fit, strong and have a healthy body composition will feel better and more confident about themselves.
Step six is the most important: having fun!
Martial arts classes for kids are hard work, but they are fun! The kids respect their instructors but enjoy the classes. They make a ton of friends and love the drills and game based learning concept. Children are learning the best when they are happy, engaged and having fun…and that keeps them coming back to a healthy activity!
Now, some more information on our Age-Specific Martial Arts program for Children.
If you are interested in enrolling your child in a martial arts program, please visit our website: www.dragongym.com
We consulted Top Experts in Child Psychology & Development to make our program incredible. The result: The most life-changing, FUN, and enriching activity you’ll ever find.
EARLY SKILLZ™
3-4 year olds love physical activity and anything involving play. They have a rich imagination and strong desire to be less dependent on their usual caregivers.
With that said, a structured program introducing early skill-based training in Martial Arts can prove to be very successful.
The problem is many children this age have a hard time with structure in a group environment like what is commonly found in most Martial Arts schools. The solution is to provide them with their own program that targets their stage of development in a manner that keeps them entertained while at the same time building skills that set them up for the next age group.
BASIC SKILLZ™
5-6 year olds are the most enthusiastic students.
They love creativity and problem solving, which makes them ideal students in the Martial Arts. The problem is they are so progressive in following tasks that some teachers tend to treat them like their older peers.
This is a problem because they still do not have the basic skills necessary to keep up with children ages 7 and up. The solution is to provide them with their own program that targets their stage of development in a manner that adapts to their social and intellectual curiosity while at the same time building skills that set them up for the next age group.
CORE SKILLZ™
7-9 year olds are what most people consider "the golden age."
They are proficient in their vocabulary and problem-solving skills, yet they are not at the age where they want complete independence from adults. This makes the teacher-student relationship stronger than ever.
The problem is they still lack core skills, and although they are highly intelligent, they struggle to keep up with students ages 10 and up.
The solution is to provide them with their own program that targets their stage of development in a manner that adapts to their adventurous attitude and youthful nature while at the same time building skills that set them up for the next age group.
EXTREME SKILLZ™
10-14 year olds are the smartest students in the school. Yes, they are smarter than most adults!
They are also physically competent and can excel in most physical challenges that are presented to them. The problem is they are so focused on what is socially acceptable that they have a hard time keeping themselves emotionally driven to the task at hand.
The solution is to provide them with their own program that targets their stage of development in a manner that nurtures their social and emotional instability while at the same time building skills that set them up for the next age group.
Community.
Entire families train with us here. Kids train with kids. Adults train with adults. Lots of our members live within walking distance of each other, and many are friends outside of our classes. The result: a close, family-like sense of community here. And the moment you join our classes, you'll feel right at home with this community.
Students who have been training for a while help out the beginners. Exercises often require partners, and students take advantage of this to encourage and cheer each other on.
No one is competing with anyone else here. No one is trying to “show off” or “out do” the next guy. Everyone just wants to learn and grow and help each other out.
Get Started Now.
Take your time browsing around our website(www.dragongym.com ). You'll find information on all of our programs, get access to our exclusive online specials, and most importantly - you can get signed up today.
I can't wait to meet you in person, and help you reach your goals with martial arts. Whether you're looking for fitness, inner-growth, or self-defense - we'll help you get there.
Sincerely,
Somnath Sikdar
ABOUT THE HEAD CHILDREN’S INSTRUCTORS
The Dragon Gym was founded in Exton, PA during the early seventies by Grandmaster Chae T. Goh. The school is currently run by Somnath Sikdar, Lawrence (Lonnie) Beck and Chris Taylor — a dynamic team that has trained together since childhood and remain dedicated to serving the local community by teaching the benefits of martial arts, physical fitness and healthy living in this modern era.
Master Lonnie Beck
4TH DAN BLACK BELT, MUAY THAI COACH, KIWK
Master Lonnie Beck began his training at Dragon Gym in 1990 at the age of ten. Since then he has trained directly under Grandmaster Chae T. Goh and Master Somnath Sikdar in Tae Kwon Do and Hapkido and has earned the rank of 4th Degree Black Belt. In addition to his traditional training, Master Lonnie has also trained extensively in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu where he has earned the rank of Purple Belt in addition to his years of experience in Muay Thai kickboxing under the auspice of Angel Cartegena and others. He has also traveled to Thailand to train as a student at the exclusive Rawai Muay Thai Camp in Phuket.
Master Lonnie is the head instructor of Dragon Gym’s EARLY and BASIC Programs, Junior Black Belt’s, Junior Elite/Instructor Program and the Dragon Gym Muay Thai Program. His passion for teaching is evident each and every class and students can always expect to be welcomed into the group like family no matter the program they are interested in.
Head Instructor Chris Taylor
2ND DAN BLACK BELT
Head Instructor Chris Taylor has been a part of the Dragon Gym family since and has been involved in teaching for two decades. He has had the opportunity to train and learn directly from Grandmaster Goh and in turn has adopted his effective teaching style.
In 2008 he received a commendation from Kukkiwon (World Taekwondo Headquarters) for his efforts on teaching and spreading Tae Kwon Do in the United States. Instructor Chris is the head instructor for the Dragon Gym CORE and EXTREME Programs.
He also works with students in the Junior-Elite program specializing in Jiu-Jitsu. With the Martial Arts Curriculum, Chris emphasizes Self-Control and Responsibility and the value of these virtues to build a better life and a better society.
In addition to 2nd Degree Black Belts in Taekwondo & Hapkido, Chris holds a Purple Belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He continues to study various martial arts including Gracie Jiu-Jitsu with the world-renowned Miglarese Brothers. He also consults on defensive tactics to various law enforcement and private security outfits.
The difference comes down to not only intent, but also "the stakes".