In martial arts training (and physical fitness training) we often talk about self control and discipline.
What are these things?
Why are they important?
And, how can we use them to our benefit and not to our detriment?
I think of self-control like a reserve or a bank. We have a fixed amount of self control to draw upon. Now, I don't mean to say that this "amount" is fixed for life. Rather, it is fixed at a certain point in time. For example, today (December 29th), you or I have a given amount (X) of self control available to us. As there are always external factors involved, some days we may have more self-control than others.
If we look at it this way, self control comes down to choices not abilities.
Let's continue to look at things at the scope of just a single day and ask ourselves the following questions:
- What do I need to do / accomplish today?
- What do I want to do / accomplish today?
- What will I do?
- What will I NOT do?
As is often the case: Doing "stuff" is the easy part. It's the "not doing" that tends to be challenging.
However, by asking ourselves these questions on a daily (maybe even hourly, if you need the granularity), weekly, monthly and eventually more long term basis we will hopefully (and likely) gain some clarity of purpose. Then with this clarity of purpose we can start to make things easier.
How do we do this?
Well, with this clarity we can start to determine what will not move us forward and may even hold us back. Another way of stating this is to remove temptation so we don't have to dip into our reserve of self control.
Remember, the last question: What will I NOT do?
An easy example is dieting. Some diets not only restrict the amount of food consumed, but also the types of food consumed. Let's say you are about to commit to a low carb or paleo type of diet. There are probably lot's of now forbidden foods that are within your abode.
Option 1: Leave the ice-cream in the freezer and the Oreo Cookies in the pantry and every time you walk by tell your self "I am strong, I have self-control and will not have cookies and ice-cream" That could work. And in reality it probably will work...for a while.
Option 2: Discard the cookies and ice-cream. They are no longer available to you. You won't have to dip into your self-control bank to avoid them.
One of the best things that you can do if you are about to embark on a diet this New Year is to undergo a "kitchen clean out". You could probably donate a lot of stuff to a local food bank.
What are some more ways that you can remove temptation from your day?
What about your work day. I just recently read an article that indicated office folks are only actually working 2 hours and 53 minutes a day and the rest of the work-day is filled with distraction type activities. Now, that seems low to me, but I do recall, from my days in the office setting, that A LOT of time was spent not working...and, that was before the real escalation of social media.
Here are some examples of distraction type temptations:
- Checking Social Media
- Reading news websites
- Chatting about non-work related topics
- Tea / Coffee / Cigarette / Snack / Lunch Breaks
- Texting / IMing / Calling Partners and friends
- Job / Clothing / Car shopping
While these things are a part of life now, how can we set them aside, a least for a while. A simple thing could be just turn off push notifications on your phone. What are some other ways that you can block some of these distractions?
That gets us started on the TO NOT DO. What about the TO DO? How can we make those things easier?
For me, "time blocking" has been the most effective tool to have more "self-control". I set aside specific times each day to do certain things. For example, I always work out at the same time of the day. I always sit down to write at the same time every day. I have set times for certain tasks.
This is more than routine. In the time that is set aside for a specific task, all other tasks are blocked out. I create guidelines to control myself and I choose to follow those guidelines.
The beauty is that you have created the guidelines, not some external person or force. These guidelines have been developed and defined by you (remember starting with clarity of purpose) so they will be important to you and they will resonate.
Self-control is not will power, it's just following the rules.
Somnath Sikdar, Master Instructor, Dragon Gym
